Even Though She Hates Him to Distraction!

I recently exchanged a few e-mails with a woman with a killer sense of humor. I can’t really share her dream, here, with you because…

• Over the course of 7 e-mails, it was all broken up.
• Her language… um… doesn’t translate to a PG blog!

I won’t even share her real name, here, so she can remain a mystery lady.  We’ll call her Angela because it’s a cool name.

Here’s the basics of her dream:  She had about 8 dreams about a particular ex-boyfriend. In each of the dreams, they were happy, laughing, and having a grand old time.  She said the settings were always romantic (with one being in a fairy-tale type forest even).  The dreams were everything the real life relationship was NOT.  In the dreams, the ex boyfriend was funny and happy. He was always laughing and buying her great gifts. In reality, he was a real “sour puss” who was always miserable, unhappy, and seemed to have a “simmering anger inside of him.”  In the two years they were together, she said he only bought her a couple of things, and they were only for Christmas and her birthday.

However, in each of her dreams, he would surprise her with her favorite candy and even her favorite Starbucks drink!

Angela feels that the years spent with her “D— Ex” were a complete waste of time and wonders what she ever saw in him in the first place.

I learned that she has not found the right guy yet.  She says that her miserable years with her “D—- Ex” have made her afraid to take a chance on someone else.  Apparently the break up was ugly and she is afraid of another disaster.  Angela wanted to know why in the world she’s dreaming such lovely dreams about someone she… in her own words, “Hates to distraction.” In fact, in one e-mail, she said if he were in the road and happened to be on fire, she’d just roast marshmallows.

This dude left a great impression!

To add insult to injury, “D—- Ex” has moved on and is very happy. He’s engaged and, according to Angela they both smile a lot and seem sickeningly happy with one another.

The last thing Angela wrote was, Please don’t try to tell me I have feelings for this jerk because I don’t believe I do. I’d rather drink acid than even $%&@(&^ look at him.

Nah, she won’t hear those words from me.  I don’t think for one second she still loves him or even likes him!

What does she LOVE?  The idea of being in love.  She LOVES (and wants) the very thing she pictured in her dream: Someone to laugh, smile, and have a great life with. Someone who IS her own Prince Charming… making her happy and even buying special things for her.

Who doesn’t want that?!?!

One of the most common dreams I hear about is the dream of an ex.  I don’t think it’s the most common type of dream people have, but it does seem to be the one that upsets people the most!  They’re almost always like Angela… “I hate him! Why am I dreaming about him?!”  OR “Getting away from her was the best day of my life, why is she in my dreams?!?!”  One man said, “I finally got free from her yelling and nagging, and here she is tormenting me in my dreams with that same screeching voice!”

That one made me laugh out loud.

Like Angela, a lot of people are looking for the same thing: LOVE. They want that special someone to watch tv with, go out to eat with, and talk about their day with.  Our mind generally won’t “create someone new” for us in the dream. It wont’ conjure up Mr. or Mrs. Right.  It will use people and faces that represent this person to us.  For example: an ex boyfriend may be symbolic of the ideal boyfriend.  An ex girlfriend may be symbolic of the girl you wish you could find.

By the same token, if you were to dream of a teacher, the role would probably be played by an ex teacher.  It doesn’t mean they were a good one – it simply means they “fit” the title the brain needs them to fit.

Below are a few things I usually tell people about dreaming about exes:

• The dream usually has nothing to do with the exes, themselves.  Never allow dreams to dictate your emotions. If you have “real” feelings for someone, you’ll think about them during the day, not while you sleep.
• The more you think about a particular dream (negative or positive), the more likely you are to dream it again.  Don’t put an unpleasant ex on repeat!
• Sometimes, our subconscious mind will try to “work out” or “make sense of” things in the past – such as a failed relationship.  It’s as though the brain says, “What went wrong? How can I not let that happen again? What could I have done differently?”  If your brain seems to be on a quest for answers, think about the questions during the day. Writing down the answers may give you the closure you really need.
• I’ve read about hundreds of dreams (probably thousands, actually), and I’ve had “follow ups” with most of these dreamers.  I have never…. not once… had a dreamer who was dreaming about an ex because there was still love there. Never.

While there are exceptions (of course), generally speaking – an ex is an ex for a reason.  It did not work.   Your subconscious mind wants your next relationship (especially if it’s a current one!) to work.  These dreams are simply your mind’s way of looking for answers so that something bad/negative doesn’t happen again.