Sometimes, Nothing is As it Seems
Dreams don’t always make sense, do they? Sometimes you’ll dream of hurting someone you love or you’ll dream of loving someone you’d kind of like to punch.
If you’ve ever had these disturbing dreams, maybe it’ll help you to know that you’re not alone. I hear from a lot of dreamers throughout the week and many are troubled by just these types of conflicting dreams.
I always feel bad for anyone who has been kind of turned inside out by a dream because, really, there isn’t a lot you can do about it. It simply takes the mind a little time to recover from especially unsettling dreams. I’ve heard instances of people taking months to get some dreams out of their systems, but the norm is closer to about a week.
One of the most disturbing types of dreams I hear about are those that involve the dreamer harming someone they love. Someone who.. in REAL life… they wouldn’t hurt for anything. The most unsettling dreams I ever heard was from a mother who dreamed of hurting her little boy. Her agony came through in her e-mail and I spent over an hour replying because I wanted so desperately to help ease her mind.
In dreams of this nature, the dream interpretation is almost always the same: If a dreamer dreams of hurting someone they love, they feel (in their subconscious) that something they are doing – or not doing – could actually bring harm to this person. I’ve had instances with dreamers where this particular “thing” was smoking (harming them with secondhand smoke), not enforcing seat belt usage, etc. Some parents even experience dreams like this when they take their children to school for the first time!
Many times dreamers will dream of harming someone they love because they have a secret they fear will be exposed.
Finally, we sometimes take on the “guilt” of hurting them when we don’t deserve any whatsoever. A dreamer may dream that they harm someone they love simply because they question whether or not they’re doing all they can to protect their loved one from harm. This was the case with a father who dreamed of hitting his son relentless in his dream. It turned out that the son had just gotten his driver’s license and the father wasn’t convinced he’d prepared him ENOUGH to drive safely. Through reasoning that could only come from a parent, he was prepared to take on the guilt if anything ever DID happen to his son.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read words such as, “I was so angry in my dream! Why was I so angry?!” The anger simply represents intense emotion – sometimes even intense love. When we love someone, the thought of them being hurt causes us intense emotions, so the fact that they’re represented in dreams by one of the most intense emotions we possess (anger) isn’t really surprising.
The flip side of this dream is nearly as disturbing to dreamers: When they dream of being in love with and/or affectionate with someone they “hate.” I’ve gotten a lot of dream interpretation requests and questions along the lines of, “Why did I dream that I was kissing my ex-boyfriend?! I HATE him so much!”
Some will go so far as to say, “Please tell me I don’t still have feelings for the creep!”
Again, these intense emotions and actions in dreams simply stand for intense feelings in real life. I honestly have no idea why the sleeping mind won’t allow someone to simply give their ex-boyfriend a slap in the face in the dream (it’d be infinitely more satisfying, right?). Somehow, our sleeping mind simply sees the need to symbolize “intense emotion” and pulls one from its file.
It isn’t always accurate, that’s for sure.
When you have emotionally conflicting dreams like these, remind yourself that, as far as the sleeping mind is concerned, emotions are emotions. In these instances, think of your “dream brain” as a librarian trying to pull a book off the shelf in the dark. She knows she’s in the “Fiction” section but doesn’t know if she’s pulling an old Agatha Christie mystery or a Stephen King novel off the shelf .
Just as there’s a world of difference between these two authors, sometimes there’s a world of difference between your dream emotions and your real emotions. Needless to say, the latter are the only ones you really need to worry about.
How You Can Use These Dreams to Keep Your Resolutions!
If you’re anything like me, you’re “all about” New Year’s Resolutions. I love them to distraction and I always have. Making a fresh new set of resolutions is such a traditional process for me that I’d never dream of breaking my streak.
I think it’s safe to say that most people either make New Year’s Resolutions or at least THINK about them in one way or another each January. I’ve noticed a trend with dreams around this time of year. Resolutions actually play out in dreams in several different ways. Best of all, realizing why and how they’re affecting your dreams can actually help you keep your resolutions.
Below are the main ways resolutions show up in our dreams (with examples!):
- Annie had a “frustrating” dream that stayed with her for days. Although she was actually bank teller, in her dream – she worked in a library. She said that as soon as she put a book on the correct shelf, it’d turn up somewhere else. She’d take the time to put all of the books exactly where they were “supposed” to go, but someone would always be unable to find the book they were looking for and when she went back to the shelf to get the book for them, it would be gone. She said the dream left her feeling “frustrated and helpless” and feeling like she was “letting everyone down.” Because the dream was around the first of February, I saw a correlation between potential resolutions and wayward books. I told her that the books represented at least one resolution that she’d probably made. The fact that she felt frustrated and helpless in the dream indicated that she lacked confidence in being able to keep at least one of her resolutions. Also, the fact that she felt that she was letting people down in her dream suggested that she was afraid of letting people down if she were unable to keep her resolution. She replied that she’d made a resolution to lose weight but that it had been the same resolution she’d made for at least 6 years in a row and had not been able to keep it yet.
- Jack began having a series of dreams in January that had similar themes. Although the situations in each dream were different, the gist of each dream was indecisiveness. Irregardless of what was going on in his dream, his dream self couldn’t make a single decision. In one dream, he couldn’t decide which top to wear to work and ended up being an hour late. In another, he was in a restaurant and couldn’t decide what to order and the server got angry. The third dream involved indecision in choosing a cell phone – and leaving the store without one because he couldn’t decide. Because each dream had its own consequence, they stemmed from the fact that he wasn’t fully committed to one of his resolutions. It turns out that, sure enough, he wasn’t 100 percent behind his resolution to give up eating meat. His indecisiveness was manifesting itself in his dreams. When he realized that he wasn’t really feeling this particular resolution, he changed it to simply cutting back on red meat and the frustrating dreams went away.
- Not all resolutions dreams are negative. In fact, many people are so inspired by their own resolutions (or, more to the point, by the promises they bring) that they dream about positive results that the resolutions will bring about. Someone who resolves to lose weight may dream of fitting into a smaller size. Someone who vows to control their anger may dream of being level-headed and calm (even in a trying situation). By providing a “taste of things to come,” dreams of this nature inspire the dreamer to stay on track!
Whether your dreams follow under one of the three categories above or branch off into their own category, spend a little time with the dream and try to discover what it’s trying to tell you. Is your subconscious mind inspiring you to stay on track because the goal is worth the struggle? Is your subconscious telling you that you need to find ways to build confidence if you’re going to be successful? Or, maybe, your dream is suggesting that your heart really isn’t even in it and that one of your resolutions should be scratched out altogether???
Only you can say for certain, but make no mistake about it – your dreams are trying to tell you something!
It’s Easy to Understand When You Look at the Numbers
First the “Dream” numbers:
- The average person has between 1,460 and 2,190 dreams each year.
- We often have as many as four different dreams a night. We dream during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which experts tell us happens multiple times while we sleep. REM sleep lasts about 5 minutes, so multiple times is a pretty safe bet.
- We don’t even remember 95% of the dreams we have!
We’re actually lucky if we clearly remember 3 dreams each week.
Several factors influence whether we remember a dream or not and even how vividly we remember the dream. One of these factors is WHEN we awake from the dream. If we briefly wake up during the night, just long enough to roll over and go back to sleep, we probably aren’t going to recall the dream we just had. We’re much more likely to remember the last dream we had during the night. This is why the dream we’re having right before the alarm goes off is the one we remember.
Another factor that influences our ability to remember a dream is HOW we wake up. If we’re able to lie still and sort of “glide” into a conscious state, we may “hold on” to the dream – especially if we get into the habit of concentrating on what we “just experienced” or what we just “went through.”
However, if we’re jarred awake by an alarm clock, a sudden noise, or even another person, our attention will immediately focus on them instead of what we were just “experiencing”. Then our woozy mind will immediately segue into thoughts of coffee, breakfast, the warmth and comfort of the bed (and how much we want to stay put!), things they have to do that day, etc.
It won’t take long for the dream to get lost in the shuffle.
When you think about all of the contributing factors, it’s a wonder we actually remember as many of our dreams as we do.
Tips for Remembering Your Dreams
- Get into the habit of focusing immediately on your dreams when you wake up. When you learn to automatically tie together “waking up” and “recalling what you just experienced,” you’ll slowly become an expert at dream recall.
- Some people are able to get in touch with their dreams by asking themselves, as soon as they wake up, “How do I feel right now?” They claim that the answer causes them to refocus on the dream. For example, if they answer, “Frustrated,” their mind will automatically go to why they are frustrated.
- Many people are helped by keeping a notebook and pen by their bed. Over time, waking up and writing down their dream becomes such a habit that the mind begins to remember even more details – they say they are always amazed by how much the brain actually recalls when it realizes that it’ll be “tested” on the details!
- The number one tip, however, for remembering your dream is this: Try to quiet your mind as much as possible in the morning. This may mean setting your alarm clock 10-15 minutes earlier to give yourself more time in the morning.
Whatever approach you take to improve your dream recall, I’m sure your effort will be more than worth the trouble!
It Usually Has to do with Loss – Either Real or Perceived
Okay, so I know this dream is a real freaky one but I had a dream about 6 nights ago that all of my teeth fell out of my head. No pain, no warning, they simply fell out. It’s nearly a week later and I am still really freaked out about this dream. What does this dream mean and should I be worried about an accident or illness? I can’t tell you how this dream is haunting me. The dream is freaking me the heck out and I don’t have any peace of mind at all. Please tell me what this dream means. Thank you.
It might surprise you, but dreams about loosing teeth are pretty common. I hear from a lot of people who have had a dream where they lose one, two, or even all of their teeth. I think one of the reasons people reach out to a dreamologist about this type of dream is because it’s such an unsettling dream.
Even though we rarely – if ever – think about our teeth on an average day, they are infinitely important to us. Vital, even. We are fully aware of the fact that our teeth are all ours and they’re unlike anyone else’s. Our teeth are a lot like our thumbprints – they provide a great deal of our individuality. You could say they separate us from everyone else.
When you stop long enough to think about just how important our teeth are, it makes you realize just how weighty a dream about losing our teeth is. However, don’t start freaking out again, this doesn’t mean that this is a prophetic dream that signals danger or illness ahead. Below are some interesting things to realize about this type of dream. At the end I’ll give you your own personal interpretation.
- Sometimes, in our sleep, we’ll experience discomfort in our jaw, mouth, or teeth. This pain or discomfort will sometimes work its way into our dream. If you dream about a tooth or teeth falling out and it’s accompanied by pain that “seems real,” more likely than not, you experienced some sort of pain in or around your teeth during the night.
- If you dream of losing your teeth and experience a mild amount of pain, bleeding, or discomfort, the dream eludes to physical or emotional pain you have recently experienced or physical or emotional pain that you FEAR experiencing.
- If your teeth fall out and you experience great embarrassment in your dream, the interpretation is that you’re anxious about something and fear that you’ll “make a fool” out of yourself or that others will laugh at you. Quite possibly, there is even one thing in particular that you’re self conscious about.
The thing that stands out to me the most about your dream is that it caught you off guard. The fact that you mentioned, “no foreshadow…. no heads up… no warning” leads me to believe that THIS is actually the most vital part of the dream interpretation. Usually, dreams about losing teeth have to do with loss – and this loss is usually a loss that has recently taken place in the dreamer’s life.
However, because of the “out of the blue” nature of your dream, I believe that the “loss” referred to in your dream has to do with a loss you FEAR or more to the point something you FEAR losing. It’s probably not even a loss you’ve experienced or are likely even TO experience. Often we have dreams of this nature after hearing of another person’s personal loss. We tend to think, “Wow. What if that happened to me?!” Other times, we cling to our possessions in the fear that they may somehow be taken from us.
I believe the loss symbolized in your dream is simply a loss that you fear may come unexpectedly or “out of the blue.” As in a sudden loss with “no foreshadow…. no heads up… no warning.”
As with all troubling dreams, the best way to get them out of your system is to get them out of your reach. Try not to thing too much about the dream and concentrate, instead, on happily positive and positively happy thoughts!
How You Can Have these Fascinating Dreams
All dreams (prophetic dreams, recurring dreams, dreams about snakes, dreams about exes, etc..) are fascinating. Even nightmares are fascinating, in their own way. Yet the type of dreams that seem to fascinate and mystify people the most are Lucid Dreams. While we could use thousands and thousands of words to explain Lucid dreams and lucid dreaming, I think it’s usually best to keep things as simple as possible – so, I like to define Lucid Dreams like this: This type of dream is one that seems and feels so REAL, the dreamer is convinced it HAS TO BE REAL. The colors in lucid dreams are more vivid, the sounds clearer, and the emotions deeper.
Is it any wonder everyone wants to experience lucid dreams?!
Books have been written detailing how you can experience these dreams for yourself – or, more to the point – they tell you all the steps you need to take to put yourself in the perfect position (frame of mind) to experience lucid dreaming.
One of the clearest, easiest, and most effective programs is defined in glorious detail in the book Lucid Dreams in 30 Days, Second Edition: The Creative Sleep Program by Keith Harary, PH.D and Pamela Weintraub.
For individuals who want to experience lucid dreaming for themselves (and do so on a regular basis, even), this should be the first (and probably last) book they buy. The information is based on years of research from, literally, around the world and includes breakthrough techniques developed by world renown psychologists and dream researchers.
Book Description:
With this volume you will learn to explore the mysteries of your sleeping self. Beginning with simple steps such as keeping a dream journal to record your dreams, Keith Harary, Ph.D., and Pamela Weintraub take you step-by-step, day-by-day through the lucid dreaming process. You advance to realizing when you are in a dream state, waking up “in” your dreams, and eventually, actually controlling the content of your dreams.
About the Authors:
- Keith Harary is a research director of the Institute for Advanced Psychology in Tiburon, California.
- Pamela Weintraub is an author and journalist who specializes in health, biomedicine, and psychology. She is currently a consulting editor at Psychology Today and executive editor at MAMM magazine, and has served as editor in chief of OMNI and staff writer at Discover, Weintraub has written hundreds of articles for many national publications, including Redbook, Ms., McCall’s, Audubon, and Health, to name just a few. She lives in Connecticut.
See Lucid Dreams in 30 Days, Second Edition: The Creative Sleep Program for a look inside this fascinating book.
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