Woman Keeps Dreaming About Her Ex-Boyfriend
Even Though She Hates Him to Distraction!
I recently exchanged a few e-mails with a woman with a killer sense of humor. I can’t really share her dream, here, with you because…
- Over the course of 7 e-mails, it was all broken up.
- Her language… um… doesn’t translate to a PG blog!
I won’t even share her real name, here, so she can remain a mystery lady. We’ll call her Angela because it’s a cool name.
Here’s the basics of her dream: She had about 8 dreams about a particular ex-boyfriend. In each of the dreams, they were happy, laughing, and having a grand old time. She said the settings were always romantic (with one being in a fairy-tale type forest even). The dreams were everything the real life relationship was NOT. In the dreams, the ex boyfriend was funny and happy. He was always laughing and buying her great gifts. In reality, he was a real “sour puss” who was always miserable, unhappy, and seemed to have a “simmering anger inside of him.” In the two years they were together, she said he only bought her a couple of things, and they were only for Christmas and her birthday.
However, in each of her dreams, he would surprise her with her favorite candy and even her favorite Starbucks drink!
Angela feels that the years spent with her “D— Ex” were a complete waste of time and wonders what she ever saw in him in the first place.
I learned that she has not found the right guy yet. She says that her miserable years with her “D—- Ex” have made her afraid to take a chance on someone else. Apparently the break up was ugly and she is afraid of another disaster. Angela wanted to know why in the world she’s dreaming such lovely dreams about someone she… in her own words, “Hates to distraction.” In fact, in one e-mail, she said if he were in the road and happened to be on fire, she’d just roast marshmallows.
This dude left a great impression!
To add insult to injury, “D—- Ex” has moved on and is very happy. He’s engaged and, according to Angela they both smile a lot and seem sickeningly happy with one another.
The last thing Angela wrote was, Please don’t try to tell me I have feelings for this jerk because I don’t believe I do. I’d rather drink acid than even $%&@(&^ look at him.
Nah, she won’t hear those words from me. I don’t think for one second she still loves him or even likes him!
What does she LOVE? The idea of being in love. She LOVES (and wants) the very thing she pictured in her dream: Someone to laugh, smile, and have a great life with. Someone who IS her own Prince Charming… making her happy and even buying special things for her.
Who doesn’t want that?!?!
One of the most common dreams I hear about is the dream of an ex. I don’t think it’s the most common type of dream people have, but it does seem to be the one that upsets people the most! They’re almost always like Angela… “I hate him! Why am I dreaming about him?!” OR “Getting away from her was the best day of my life, why is she in my dreams?!?!” One man said, “I finally got free from her yelling and nagging, and here she is tormenting me in my dreams with that same screeching voice!”
That one made me laugh out loud.
Like Angela, a lot of people are looking for the same thing: LOVE. They want that special someone to watch tv with, go out to eat with, and talk about their day with. Our mind generally won’t “create someone new” for us in the dream. It wont’ conjure up Mr. or Mrs. Right. It will use people and faces that represent this person to us. For example: an ex boyfriend may be symbolic of the ideal boyfriend. An ex girlfriend may be symbolic of the girl you wish you could find.
By the same token, if you were to dream of a teacher, the role would probably be played by an ex teacher. It doesn’t mean they were a good one – it simply means they “fit” the title the brain needs them to fit.
Below are a few things I usually tell people about dreaming about exes:
- The dream usually has nothing to do with the exes, themselves. Never allow dreams to dictate your emotions. If you have “real” feelings for someone, you’ll think about them during the day, not while you sleep.
- The more you think about a particular dream (negative or positive), the more likely you are to dream it again. Don’t put an unpleasant ex on repeat!
- Sometimes, our subconscious mind will try to “work out” or “make sense of” things in the past – such as a failed relationship. It’s as though the brain says, “What went wrong? How can I not let that happen again? What could I have done differently?” If your brain seems to be on a quest for answers, think about the questions during the day. Writing down the answers may give you the closure you really need.
- I’ve read about hundreds of dreams (probably thousands, actually), and I’ve had “follow ups” with most of these dreamers. I have never…. not once… had a dreamer who was dreaming about an ex because there was still love there. Never.
While there are exceptions (of course), generally speaking – an ex is an ex for a reason. It did not work. Your subconscious mind wants your next relationship (especially if it’s a current one!) to work. These dreams are simply your mind’s way of looking for answers so that something bad/negative doesn’t happen again.
Dream Analysis: When You Dream That You Have an Epic Fail!
I wanted to tell you about a recent dream interpretation / dream analysis I gave a dreamer. It’s always pretty cool when I hear back from someone, affirming the dream’s interpretation – which was the case this time.
Below are the dream she sent me, my response to her, and her follow up reply.
Her Dream:
This is kind of an unusual dream, in that few people would understand the frustration I felt during the dream. First of all, let me say that my favorite pastime or hobby is photography. I am always taking pictures and there is no place I’d rather be than photographing something or someone. I don’t like to cook or sew, do crafts, or anything like that. I just take pictures. In fact, when my grandson, who is in kindergarten, draws pictures of me, I always have a little circle thing in my hand that he says is my “camwa!”
In my dream, my husband and I were at a big, beautiful Native American Reservation. Something else that fascinates me is Native Americans, their culture, their history, and their beauty. There were Indians everywhere! Big beautiful headdresses, teepees, Native American crafts – everything. They were putting on a special program in my dream, showing how they made the crafts, built teepees and weapons, and the women were showing how they made dresses and cooked. I felt so much happiness in the dream. But when I reached in my bag and got my camera to begin taking pictures, the camera was dead. No battery!
My husband said it didn’t matter because we could still have a great time. He said something cheesy like take pictures with your mind’s camera. I told him about that the next morning and he laughed.
The thing is, the dream was so vivid and colorful and beautiful. By contrast, the frustration and disappointment I felt was so dark and horrible. It ruined the trip for me because I didn’t have my camera and I hated myself for not charging my battery before we went.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the dream since then because it was so “real” and there was so much going on. It was one of those dreams that stays with you and I was anxious to hear what you have to say about it. – Fran
My Dream Interpretation and Analysis:
Fran, the dream sounds like it was a beauty! Ironically, I also love to to take pictures (mentally as well as with a camera! – the comment was a little cheesy, but kind of cute, too!) and am also incredibly fascinated with Native American history. When I read your dream, I realized how frustrating I would have felt! Fortunately my husband also usually has a camera with him. When I read your dream’s dilemma, my first thought was, “I’d SO take my husband’s camera from him!”
Your dream beautifully and perfectly points to one thing: You’ve recently let yourself down in some way. Through something you did (or didn’t do), a mistake you made, a shortcoming, or an oversight – you disappointed yourself. I have a feeling it was one of those moments when you thought, “I could just kick myself!” – or words to that effect! The fact that, in the dream, your husband didn’t feel disappointed or upset points to the fact that this “letdown” was a personal one, for you, that affected only you.
I believe that our dreams don’t just “play out” things that have happened in our lives. I believe they also try to guide us, encourage us, and sometimes even admonish us. I think the fact that the dream was on such a grand scale was your subconscious mind’s way of saying, “You will remember this, and you will remember the disappointment!”
And you do!
– Joi
Her Response:
Oh my goodness! Tha’ts perfect, Joi. It’s perfect. My jaw just dropped. Last year, I lost a much-needed 25 pounds. I was well on my way to losing enough to get to my goal weight. I had been losing by walking my dog Gypsy each morning and each night. Gypsy developed a heart problem (and enlarged heart that her vet said she probably always had, but is just beginning to cause her problems). She is fine, but I’m scared to walk her any more. I don’t want to walk alone, so I have not been walking. Walking isn’t fun without Gypsy. My walking came to an end, so I thought that I’d just start watching what I eat and handle my weight that way.
The day of the dream, I weighed myself and cried. I had gained back 13 of the 25 pounds I had lost. I undid all that good and felt so disappointed and bad. I was angry at myself and sad at the same time. It is so VERY ironic that you said the words in your e-mail because I said the words to Gypsy, I told her that I could just kick myself. I’m just still in shock that you knew the words. Wow. Thank you! – Fran
The cool thing about her dream and her response is this: I had a feeling what the “problem” was. Sometimes we females understand one another so much you’d think we had esp! When you dream that you’ve disappointed yourself, you probably have done so in your life, to some point.
Use the dream as a tool – it’ll give you a self help and self improvement edge! When making any type of improvement in your life, don’t look back – look around (at your circumstances and situation) and look forward (to your goal). Look back into the past only long enough to see where you took a wrong turn (or wrong turns!) and then resolve not to make those again. We all let ourselves down from time to time – because we’re all human. The trick is not to stay down.
In a response to Fran, I told her to look back on her 25 lb weight loss as “practice,” an awesome dress rehearsal! I also pointed out that it should serve as a great deal of motivation to her – she proved she can do it. I also pointed out that she didn’t “undo” all the good – she still lost 12 pounds. A lot of people would LOVE to lose 12 pounds!
How to Improve Your Dream Recall or How to Remember Your Dreams
I got an e-mail recently from a woman who was “very, very frustrated” with a dream she had the night before. She said that she desperately wanted to remember the dream but could only remember a single fragment. Apparently she was new to the world of Dream Interpretation and Dream Analysis and had even (as I often suggest!) bought a Dream Journal!
Here’s what she had to say: I recently found your dream website and have been reading the articles. I think you’re right about dreams. We can learn alot about ourselves from what we dream. I have had 2 of my dreams analyzed by you and you were spot on each time. I bought a dream journal and started writing down my dreams. I do like you say and write them down as soon as I wake up. It’s a whole lot of fun!
However, last night I had a dream that I know was a very “busy” dream. I did a lot in it. But I can’t remember the dream. I am very, very frustrated because the dream didn’t stay with me. I’ve racked my brain trying to remember what happened but I can’t. I can only remember one thing: my family and I were in a city we once lived in in Indiana. What is someone supposed to do when their dream is lost like this? I usually remember all my dreams. Why is this one not coming to me? Thanks so much! – Carole
Below was my response: Carole, I feel your frustration! Even though I’m utterly fascinated with dreams (some might say obsessed), there are times when I can’t remember a dream either. You’re right – it’s very frustrating!
When you can’t remember a dream, below are a few tips that may help with the dream recall:
- First of all, try to determine your emotions in the dream. Were you excited, frantic, sad, frustrated, happy, or overwhelmed? Did you feel in control or out of control? Even if you can’t remember all of the details, if you can get in touch with the way the dream made you feel, you can still get a lot from the dream. This is where a Dream Journal comes in handy. If you have a string of days when you have to write down emotions like “overwhelmed” or “out of control,” you’ll get a great dream analysis from the emotions alone. Also, focusing on your emotions in the dream (and the emotions you felt when you first awoke from the dream) often helps you remember more about the dream. When you determine one of the emotions, ask yourself, “Why did I feel that way?” or “Who or what caused me to feel like this?”
- Think of colors in the dream. Not only can a dream’s colors help with the dream analysis, picturing the colors you saw in the dream can help you remember more about the dream. For example, if you were to remember the colors blue and yellow, you could then ask yourself, “Where were these colors?” You may remember that blue was on a particular house and yellow was a dress your mom wore. Usually, if you can remember where you saw the dream colors, you’ll remember more about the dream.
- Here’s a trick that helps a lot of people with their dream recall: Lie back down and assume the position! Lie comfortably in bed just as you would be while dreaming. If you normally use a fan when you sleep, turn it on. Free yourself of as many distractions as possible and simply lie there with your eyes closed, focusing on things you do remember from the dream. A word of warning, though: Don’t do this if you have cookies in the oven, someplace you have to be, or toddlers in the house. You just might drift off to sleep.
Finally, if you simply can’t remember anything else about the dream, write down what you do remember (even if it’s simply one word, like peaceful). Then move on. Tell yourself that if it were really, really important, you’d remember more of it. Just take from it what you can and move forward.
A word about this particular dream (returning to Indiana with family) – dreams in which we “go back” can have several meanings. For one, you could have been talking about old times recently – or you could have even seen a picture from this time. Many times that sets the stage for a dream to visit the past.
A second reason we dream about a past place is we miss something from the past. The same can be true about an ex, an old house, a place we once lived, etc. We may not have any love left for any of these things – but there may be one thing that we miss from that time. Perhaps an ex gave great neck rubs or we had great neighbors in a house we once lived in…. Focus on what you DO remember and think about the emotions you have surrounding this person, place or thing.
A third reason we have dreams that wander into the past is a very common one: We’re warning ourselves of past mistakes or past pains. It’s our mind’s way of saying, “Watch out!” A recent girl contacted me in the comments about dreams she was having about an ex. He had cheated on her and hurt her pretty badly. She’d seen him recently and had a couple of dreams about him. I believe her dreams about this heart-breaker were her brain’s way of saying, “Don’t you even think about going back there! This dude equals pain.”
If a dream about a place you once lived, there could have been pain or a personal mistake you made. Your dream could be trying to make peace with it once and for all.
Some would even say that the fact you can’t remember the dream indicates that you’ve done just that!
A Final Word About Dream Recall:
Remember what you can. Move on. If you keep a dream journal (which could simply mean writing them down in a notebook), write down what you do remember. If you can’t remember the dream, write down something like, “I can’t remember anything about this dream except….” If you’re frustrated, write that down. If you’re like, “Whatever, it’s not important,” write that down. When you keep a Dream Journal, you often begin to see a pattern. Perhaps on certain nights (when you’re more tired than usual), you’re less likely to remember dreams. Maybe certain medications, like allergy medicine, cause your dream recall to be foggy. This is why it’s important to really go into detail in your dream journal – writing down what medicine you took before bedtime, etc. Many people even write down what they ate!
In the end realize that sometimes our brain realizes when there isn’t anything of real value in a dream and it just lets it go.
Sometimes that’s exactly what we have to do.
Tip for Remembering Your Dreams
Keeping a dream journal actually trains your brain to remember dreams better. When you get into the practice of writing things down into your dream journal, your brain will soon realize that this is an important part of your life. It’ll become much better at remembering details that may have otherwise gotten away from you and been lost forever. Dream journals actually train your brain for better dream recall.
Dream Interpretation: What Does it Mean When You Dream About Spitting Up Blood?!
Blood is symbolic of life, so when you dream about blood, you are dreaming about someone.
Her’s a recent dream submitted for interpretation:
I had a dream 4 or 5 nights back that’s still bothering me. The dream was so vivid and real-like that I can’t get it off of my brain. I dreamed that I was in a bathroom. It wasn’t my bathroom at home. It was like it was in a hotel or something. I went to the sink and started spitting up blood. In my dream it didn’t seem to worry me as much as it would in real life. If I spit that much blood up while awake I would go to the doctor or call an ambulance! The sight of all the blood will not get out of my mind and I just want to know what the dream means. I’m also kind of concerned that the dream is staying with me so long. Does that mean anything? Thank you so much. – Paul
Paul, I’m with you – I’d run to the doctor if I spewed blood! First of all, dreams that involve VIVID things like blood, spiders, snakes, pain, fear, etc. tend to stay with us a while. Sometimes a few weeks or longer. This isn’t anything to worry about, however, if the dream is nightmarish, the sooner you can try to shove it out of your mind, the better. Otherwise, it may repeat itself, which is the last thing you want. You are actually doing the best thing in the world to overcome the dream’s hold and that’s getting to the bottom of the meaning. When we understand what our dreams mean, we’re able to move on and not look back.
Dreams of spitting things up (or physically expelling things in other ways) are symbolic of the desire to get rid of something (a situation, job, car, problem, hassle…). When the thing expelled or spat out is blood, things get a little more interesting. Blood is symbolic of LIFE, so dreaming of spitting out blood means you don’t want some THING gone, you want some ONE gone! Naturally this doesn’t mean you want to harm them or anything malicious, you just want them out of the way. It could be that you just want them gone temporarily.
I heard from a woman, once, who dreamed that she spat up blood and it turns out she wanted her boss to take a job in a different state. I also remember a young boy in high school a few years ago who dreamed of spitting blood and it turns out he wanted an ex girlfriend to leave him alone. I, myself, once had a dream about spitting up blood around a time we lived next to a she devil. The woman had a nasty disposition and I knew, the minute I woke up, who I wanted to “spit out” of my life!
As with all dreams, there are exceptions, and I’m never one to say with 100 percent certainty what a dream means or doesn’t mean BUT more times than not, if you dream of spitting blood, you want someone to move away, leave you alone, or simply get out of the picture for a while…. or for good!
Some people might ask, “If blood means life, could you be dreaming about getting rid of something in your own life when you dream about spitting blood?” Again, anything is possible. However, when we dream about getting rid of something in our own life, it’s generally not a “spitting” dream. For example, if we want to lose weight, many times we’ll dream about losing things. If we want to stop doing something, we’ll often dream about things (even ourselves) that STOP doing a particular thing.
When it comes to “spitting out,” we’re almost always referring to someone else, as we can’t very well spit ourselves out.
Obviously, dream analysis and dream interpretation are excellent ways to get in touch with your emotions. Dream journals are of the utmost importance when it comes to remembering your dreams. Sometimes, the dream’s meaning lies hidden in small details you’ll overlook if you don’t write them down. Keeping a Dream Journal is fun and can help whether you’re interpreting your own dream or providing details to a dream interpreter.
A Unique Dream Interpretation: This Dream Request is Definitely a First!
I get MANY dream analysis and interpretation requests – in the comments as well as in e-mail. The typical dream analysis is for a dream the dreamer has had. They want insight into the dream’s meaning. A few times I’ve even had daydreams submitted for analysis. Daydreams are actually pretty fun to prod around in! What’s more, they have vital interpretations as well.
Recently I received a dream analysis request that is a first for me: A young woman (“Anna“) in the Midwest wants to know what her boyfriend’s dreams mean. Considering the importance of such information, it’s really a wonder that I don’t get these requests more often. However, the details go a bit further than that.
“Anna” broke up with him over his dream.
Before I go any further, I should point out that “Anna” isn’t her real name – so if you live in the Midwest and know an Anna, don’t get all up in their business – it isn’t her! For that matter, I changed his name in the story below… so the same goes for any Max you know.
Here’s Her Message:
I really need help. I can’t stop crying and I am afraid that I made a very big mistake. My boyfriend Max told me last week that he had a dream about his ex wife. She’s very cute and has a really great sense of humor and personality. Somehow she and Max just didn’t get along but they are both likable people. I want to hate her but can’t. Max swears that the feelings he had for her are gone and even said he wants to marry me this fall. But last week he came over to my apartment and said that he thought I should know about his funny dream. Then he told me that he and his ex wife were on a vacation and things were really good between them. They talked and laughed like they never did in their marriage. He said that they were someplace in a foreign country, but he wasn’t sure where. All he knew was that they were very happy.
He said that the last thing he remembers in the dream was the two of them walking, laughing together into the hotel room door.
I got so jealous that he had a dream about her that we had a big fight. He said he thought I’d laugh about it because all he and her ever really did was fight and argue. I did not laugh. I yelled at him and cried. Then I broke up with him because it made me so jealous. I guess it shouldn’t matter, but she is really cute.
The reason I am sending you this e-mail is because it has been a week now and I miss him so much. I’m afraid I overreacted and made an idiot out of myself. He knows I’m jealous of her. He should have known how the dream would hurt me. My mom said to try to find out what his dream actually meant. She thinks I made a mistake. What do you think. I may have ruined what would have been a wonderful life together. Max has been calling every day but I haven’t answered the past 3 times. I’m afraid he won’t call tomorrow. I am so sad.
– Anna
First of all… Max. Buddy. What the heck were you thinking?!?!? I’m all for full disclosure, but seriously, some things (oh, I dunno, like dreams about ex wives… especially cute ones) can stay private.
Personally, I think his only mistake was telling Anna about the dream. I don’t think like a male, so I can’ t imagine what he was thinking – telling a current girlfriend about a happy dream like that – starring an ex wife that she’s obviously jealous of. If they did argue and bicker constantly, however, the fact that the dream was so “picture perfect” probably did strike him as funny. Some might even say that the fact he told “Anna” about it was proof that his life with the ex WAS a nightmare.
My own personal feeling is that if he had any feelings for the ex at all, he would not have told Anna about the dream. When I responded to her, I told her as much. I also asked if he could have been trying to make her jealous by telling her about the dream and she said it was very possible because he’d recently been jealous of a male friend of her’s.
Irregardless of why he told her about the dream, the fact that he had the dream in the first place absolutely, positively does not mean that he has feelings for his ex. In fact, I believe that she is actually symbolic of Anna! The fact that Max and Anna are planning a wedding means that he’s thinking of their new life together (a foreign country would be symbolic of a new life… a fresh start).
Up til now, the only “bride” Max is familiar with is his ex. Somehow in his dream, his subconscious mind made the association of bride with his ex – but I’m 100 percent certain Anna is the bride in the scenario. The newness of the everything points to this being the case. Also, the fact that they’re so happy in the dream indicates he’s thinking about how happy THIS marriage will be.
The door in the dream is also very symbolic. When we dream of doors, we often think of either “Closing the door” on something or “Opening a new door.” I believe the door in Max’s dream is symbolic in two distinct ways: It’s symbolic of closing the door on his first marriage and opening the door to his second marriage. Closing the door on the one without happiness and laughter and opening the door to happily ever after.
I told Anna about my thoughts on his dream and BEGGED her to let me know how things worked out. I got invested after all! I got an e-mail from her the next day saying that she had gone to see him and apologized. He apologized for telling her about the dream….. Anyway, the wedding is back on and I know they’re going to be ridiculously happy.
I want to thank Anna again for letting me share the dream with all of you. I just felt that there was a very important lesson in her experience. Moral of the story – be careful who you tell your dreams to! Moral of the story #2 – never break up with anyone over a dream!
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