What Dreams About Exes Mean: During Breakups and Divorce
It All Depends on How You Feel About Saying Goodbye
I hear from a lot of dreamers who are haunted by dreams during breakups – whether they’re broken engagements, divorces, or broken relationships in general.
Some dreamers have nightmares during this period. They’ll dream their “ex” is trying to harm them or that they are in a situation and the “ex” refuses to help them.
When the dream revolves around an ex not coming to the dreamer’s rescue – it speaks of a feeling that the ex was “never there for them… never around when they were needed most.”
Dreams of an ex trying to harm the dreamer in any way doesn’t have to indicate that there was EVER any physical or even emotional abuse. In fact, it’s much more a sign of pain from the separation. Our dreaming mind puts physical pain and emotional pain AND physical fear and emotional fear on the same level – it really isn’t able to distinguish between physical and emotional.
All it knows is that there is pain, fear, and great emotions going on at this time. It responds to this with disturbing dreams that are apt to continue for up to a couple of weeks. The sooner the dreamer is able to move on with their life… finding other interests to engage their mind and attention… the sooner the subconscious mind will say, “Oh, okay, we’re good.” and move on to happier, more upbeat dreams.
I recently read about a dream from someone who left a comment on Dream Prophesy. He and a girl he very much liked had recently broken up and his dreams involved a “backyard” and a “flood.” As someone who LOVES dreams and LOVES the way the subconscious mind works.. I loved reading this. While my heart breaks for two people who may not be able to be together (more about that in a minute!), I think it’s fascinating that the subconscious mind expressed itself in this manner.
- The backyard is symbolic of “looking back” or even “going back.” This could be the dreamer wanting to “go back” and give it another chance or it could be the dreamer not wanting to “go back and make, or repeat, a mistake.”
- The flood is beautifully symbolic of a flood or rush of emotions. Flood and/or rain dreams are common whenever a loss is involved – loss of a loved one through death or through a broken relationship. The flood (or rain) represents emotions and, sometimes, even tears. The amazing thing is these emotions can range from love to hate and from fear to relief. Someone who had been in a terribly stressful and unhappy relationship may have as many “floods of emotions” as someone who’d been in a relatively peaceful and happy relationship. However, these emotions may be those of great relief and even freedom as opposed to sadness and regret.
One Last Word
Because I do hear from so many people who are dealing with breakups – and who are so haunted by these breakups that their dreams are even affected – I want to say one last thing. When I hear from someone who has gone through a divorce or a breakup that was a lousy relationship, I can’t help thinking, “Good – now go and find someone you can be happy with. Relationships aren’t supposed to be filled with so much unhappiness, distrust, and control issues. They should be fun and happy MOST of the time, not just every now and then!”
The breakups and divorces that stick with me are the ones where…
- … the couple was happy and got along beautifully.
- …. the two individuals actually loved one another.
- …. there was respect involved – a two way street.
- …. but, for whatever reasons, one or both of them feel “it won’t work” or that there’ll be trouble down the road – so they end it.
What the what?!?! If it’s working NOW, what leads you to think it won’t work THEN? If you have differences of opinion on a lot of issues NOW, don’t base that on what may or may not happen THEN. People change and, over the course of a few years, sometimes they change so much in their outlook on life they can’t even believe it!
These days it is extremely, extremely hard to find someone. That’s why there are SO many online dating sites, match up programs, etc. Problem is, some of these have the potential to be unreliable at best and dangerous at worst. It’s just incredibly difficult to find someone. Period.
If you have been blessed enough to find someone you love and who loves you, letting them go may be one of the worst mistakes you ever make. One of my favorite sayings is this, “Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.”
If love and respect are there, then you need to make a couple motto that goes something like this, “We will make this work.” Keep lines of communication open, respect one another’s opinions and even encourage freedom of thought.
Relationships are, basically, family we choose for ourselves. We’re born to parents who aren’t our choosing. Some of us have siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who aren’t our choosing.
Think about it: We never throw a brother or sister aside simply because we don’t see eye to eye on everything. As parents, we don’t put one of our children up for adoption because they have different political thoughts than we do.
In my own family, I’m not sure any two of us agree 100% on every single political or current news topic. We may see a lot of the major issues similarly, but everything… not a chance. We’re all individuals and individuals were built to think for themselves.
However, we love one another with all our heart and we respect one another and applaud freedom of thought. That’s what families do. They may disagree, they may even argue, heck… sometimes they may even stomp around and yell!
But, in the end, when all’s said and done – they’re family and quitting is NOT an option.
If the love is there, everything else will follow.
Dream Analysis: When Dreams Leave You Feeling Angry
How Anger Dreams Help Us Release Tension and Hostility
Have you ever had a dream that just left you feeling angry when you woke up?! Maybe you felt angry in the dream – or maybe something happened in the dream that left you feeling mad when you stepped out of the dream.
Maybe both!
Anger dreams are actually pretty therapeutic. They allow the dreamer to…
- Release hostility they fell unable to express in their waking world.
- Release tension and even anxiety.
- Cope!
As I often point out in Dream Interpretations, one of the most beautiful things about dreams is the fact that they allow our brains to “wrap” themselves around ideas that may elude them when we’re completely conscious.
When we’re awake, a lot of things are going on – not just around us, but in our minds as well. There are situations (and often individuals) that we have trouble coping with when we’re in the middle of so much commotion.
However, when our subconscious mind takes over when we’re sleeping, it can try to sort out and process information.
The same holds true for EMOTIONS. When we’re fully awake, we may feel a great number of emotions – and often all at once. It’s hard, sometimes, to figure out which emotions are the “truest.” When we enter our dream world, our subconscious minds gets to work.
Our emotions (as well as “information”) play out in our dreams as mini movies as our brain sorts through everything.
Have you ever stopped to think about just how fascinating this all is?!!?
If there are people, events, or situations that leave us frustrated – and yet we feel completely helpless about the feeling – we’ll often have “anger dreams.” In our daily life, lashing out at a co-worker or confronting someone in our family might not be the wisest or coolest thing to do. Telling them that the way they chew with their mouth open could hurt their feelings after all!
But, seriously, how uncouth is that?
If we’re unable to react in our waking world, it’s as though at night the brain says… “Okay, NOW I’ll blow off some steam!”
Ironically, more times than not – after the initial anger – we wake up and realize that what we thought was a huge deal… one worthy of so much hostility!… isn’t really that big of a deal. We’re able to put things into perspective and even feel thankful that we didn’t lash out or overreact in the “real world.”
That drama is better off in dreams.
Dream Interpretation: What Does it Mean to Dream About a Cemetery
The Meaning Can Actually Go One of Several Ways….
Dreaming of a cemetery or graveyard (or of anything pertaining to a cemetery such as headstones or graves) can have several meanings.
For some people, cemetery dreams indicate that they either have (or have recently had) a fear of illness or a sense of impending doom – either relating to themselves or someone they love. If serious illness or any form of catastrophe has been kicking around your mind, the subconscious brain may go all in and manifest these thoughts in a cemetery-themed dream.
I guess you could say these types of dreams could be a reminder to pay careful attention to what you think about during the day!
Cemetery dreams can also symbolize the words death, dead, or dying in different… decidedly less fatal… ways. The following thoughts and comments can put the words death, dead, and dying in the subconscious mind:
- a”dying” relationship
- a “dead end” job
- being “dead in the water“
- saying “you’re killing me“
- anything that may have made you say or think, “this is going to be the death of me!“
- a pretty dramatic individual may even say something inside of them is dying.
It only takes a small thought or a single, mindless comment to produce a dream. The subconscious mind hangs on tightly to things it finds particularly interesting, then produces, casts, and directs mini-movies called dreams. More often than not, the “set location” for these mini movies have as much to do with the dream’s interpretation as the action, itself.
Some older dream dictionaries believed that cemetery dreams indicated the dreamer’s need for physical, emotional, or spiritual rest. In the past (as in long, long, long ago) cemeteries were viewed differently than they are today. We don’t associate peace, rest, and quietness with cemeteries today as much as they did in the past. Part of the reason may be the language used THEN compared to the language used NOW. A very common phrase regarding cemeteries in the past was “a final resting place.”
People also used to refer to death more as “at rest” or “at peace.” Therefore, cemeteries and graves were viewed as places of rest and peace. While this may still be true in some parts of the world – it isn’t as prevalent as it once was.
Having said all of that… if you dream of cemeteries or graves and you happen to view death as a “final rest,” you could possibly interpret your dream as your brain telling you that you need a rest.
As with most dreams, your own individual interpretation may be different from the next person’s. You have to ask yourself:
- What are my feelings about cemeteries?
- How did I feel immediately after awaking from this dream?
Your own thoughts and emotions will help direct you to your own personal analysis.
It’s worth noting, too, that if you recently lost a loved one or even heard of someone dying you hardly even knew – your mind could “process” this information by producing a graveyard or cemetery in your dream.
What Does This Weird Dream Mean?!
Dreamer Has a Rare Dream About Daydreaming
Okay, here’s a weird dream I hope you can interpret for me. I just know there is some important meaning behind it but I can’t figure it out. I dreamed that I was with my mom (who died suddenly 3 years ago). I miss her very much and dream about her a lot. In the dream we were in a plane. I am scared of planes and heights more than anything, so being in the plane made me very uneasy. As the plane began to start going down – crashing – my dream suddenly switched to me on the ground – daydreaming about the whole plane situation. I’ve never done that in my dreams before – “daydreaming” or imagining something. That would seem almost impossible, but it’s exactly what happened. Then, in the dream, I began “playing out” scenarios – like wondering what different people would say if they found out our plane had crashed, who would cry, who would miss me, etc. I even imagined that all my family would find it very ironic that I died doing something I feared so much. What does this weird dream mean? It has shaken me and unsettled me a great deal. Thank you. – T.B.
This type of dream is – in my experience – VERY rare, indeed. I’ve personally had kind of similar dreams a few times in my life and each time – like you – I wondered, “How is that even possible?!”
The mind is so incredibly complex that almost anything IS possible. The subconscious mind doesn’t have any “rules” it has to live by, so pretty much anything goes.
When reading over this particular dream, one thing stood out – this is what I call a “troubled” dream. The dream, itself, isn’t troubled (of course), but the dreamer is… or at least has been very recently.
The fact that your mother – who you lost a few years ago – was with you in the dream coupled with the fact that one of your greatest fears – flying – was taking place points to a fear surrounding illness, injury, or even death. You could have been EXTRA worried about a loved one recently or even fearful of your own well-being or health.
I believe this dream indicates that your fears are “in your mind” and that, deep down, you realize this.
This sort of insight can sometimes create complex dreams as your mind tries to sort everything out.
- You’re fearful for someone (or for yourself)
- You realize the fear is in your mind
Is it any wonder the subconscious mind has trouble making sense of it?!
We’ve all been there, though. We worry ourselves sick about something – the whole time knowing that we’re creating the drama.
Just more examples of just how COMPLEX the mind is.
I hope you’ll use your dream to help you let go of excessive worrying and release fear that you create in your own mind. Thanks for sharing your dream with us – what you think of as “weird,” the rest of us think of as “fascinating!”
Numbers in Dreams: Why the Number is Often the Most Important Thing!
Ask Yourself What the Number Represents to You
If you remember a particular number from a dream, rest assured that the number (itself) is important. In fact, it very well may be the most important thing about the dream. Think about it – each dream involves some type of number. For example, you may dream about 4 cats, 2 people, 1 cake, etc. But we don’t always place importance on the numbers, themselves.
Why? Most of the time, the number simply isn’t important to the dream’s meaning.
However, if you have a particular dream and, when retelling or reliving the details, you make a point of naming a certain number (such as a number of objects, a “head count,” a particular number of days….) – THEN the number is of importance.
In fact, it may be the most important thing about the dream.
A few examples:
- If you dream about the number 2, odds are the number has to do with a romantic relationship – one you either value, wish you had, are concerned about. or miss.
- If you dream about a particular number, it could stand for the number of children (or pets) you have.
- A number could also be the total of people in your immediate family – usually in your household.
- If you have a spouse and, say, 3 children, the number 4 could simply represent the total of people you care extra deeply about and worry the most about.
- The number 1 can have several meanings – it could mean everything from loneliness to a feeling of supreme confidence and cockiness! Only the dreamer can say for certain.
When you remember a particular number from your dream (that is to say the number “stands out” for whatever reason), the first thing you should do is ask yourself what the number REPRESENTS to you. Usually, the first thing that comes to mind is what the number truly represents to you.
After you have your source, look at the type of dream you had. Was it carefree, happy, peaceful, and fun or was it scary, chaotic, and unsettling?
Let’s say you realize that the number 3 represents the number of children you have. If your dream was chaotic and possibly even scary – this would indicate that you are (in some area) worried or concerned about these children. Possibly you had recently been thinking about the cost of college or the crime rate.
It could be that you were worried about them physically, spiritually, or emotionally. You could, also – of course – been worried about something happening to you…. wondering how they’d get along without you.
Finally, you could have been wondering if you you are doing all you could for them (after all, parents never think they’re actually doing enough!).
If the dream was unsettling, then it represents something unsettling in your thoughts during the hours leading up to the dream – not your overall thoughts. It could have simply been one fleeting thought you had during the day that simply showed up in the dream.
If the dream was carefree and fun, it was simply your subconscious mind celebrating a great day or “acting out” pleasant thoughts.
On my self help blog, I always talk about the importance of having a positive attitude. I frequently write about how vital it is to welcome and entertain only positive thoughts (as much as possible, that is). Your dreams are simply another reason why keeping an upbeat attitude is important. If your mind is troubled during the day, more times than not, your dreams will be troubled at night.
Try to remember that when your alone with your thoughts – they’ll probably revisit you in one way or another.
For more information about what numbers mean in dreams, including interpretations for specific numbers, please see Numbers in Dreams.
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